Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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