Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize