Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
