love makes seman taste better
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
