i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
