He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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