apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
