how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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