I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
