What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
