fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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