you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
