I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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