we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
