I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize