I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
