i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
