Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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