apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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