I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
