I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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