very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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