You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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