google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
