I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
