I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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