i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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