Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
