i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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