first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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