when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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