I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
