I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is there bacon in the couch?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
