Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
