You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
