this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
