it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
