the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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