Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
