I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize