I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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