she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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