Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
