im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
