do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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