i just sent this text using only my big toe
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
