I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize