so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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