Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
