I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
