i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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