i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
