no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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