For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
