Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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