So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
