Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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