We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
