He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
