:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
