a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
