I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
