hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
