is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
