I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A+ Viking dick
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize