the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
