Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
