Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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