he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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