I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
