is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
