Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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