Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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