I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im holly from the hills drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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