Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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