Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
