I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
