my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
