my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
