if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Couch. On fire.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize