i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
