it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
