We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
