I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i now understand why vodka
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
